November 12th, 2005

Current Music: free bird Subject: hay Time: 03:09 pm Current Mood: calm

ok so its been like forever since i've updated. well like theres so much that happened in these past months and i dont even wanna remember anything that happened. ok well like im talkin to this guy joey right and pauls with some chick pamela. fucking ugly if i might say so. but anyway..im pretty happy now. i dont know where things went wrong with me and paul..but everything happens for a reason. i guess he was trying to tell me something when he sang to me on the way back from mex singing free bird "and this bird you cant change..lord knows i cant change" yup..and then we had sex like all night. then he left me the next weekend. whore face.

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September 3rd, 2005

Current Music: sugarcult Time: 12:52 pm Current Mood: happy

dude too much to say...so we got back together, he came back to me this time...partys...school...BARELY TUESDAY!!!

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August 7th, 2005

Current Music: helena Subject: SHIT PISS FUCK BITCH SLUT WHORE FART MUNCHER........IDIOT!!!!! Time: 10:45 pm Current Mood: irate

ya you probably wont even take the time to read this...so to make a long story short...AHHHHHHH!!!!! ok well i was just going to copy and paste the same entry on both lj's cuz i dont know which one you people read...so i just thought of alot more to say! what was it? i gave him everything he couldve wanted...love, attention, i was honest, loyal..but i guess that not what he wanted in a relationship...he wants someone to be a bitch with him..someone who doesnt kiss his ass all the time..someone who blows HIM off so he can go chasing her..and begging HER to take him back! oh my gosh! what an idiot..i cant stand him..the shortness..the stupidity..the smartness all in one freakin little guy...i mean the dudes studying psychology for christ sake..hes the one who should be on that weird chair type thing telling his problems to other people who have the same problems as he does.... you know what i bet he has another girlfriend already! but im proud of myself for today..he called me and i was totally being a bitch..i could so tell that i was getting him jealous..good i hope he did get jealous..he deserves it oh guess what i juss finished looking at pauls myspace...and i dont even know why i give a rats ass about all the whores that are in there! god...yeah im so sure that hes 20 he just turned 19 on the 2nd. fucking loser.....and now i know the real reason he broke up with me.....go to his myspace..go i invite all of you! do it now...imunloco79@aol.com....just search for it and you'll find it..in his damn info it says "ya i love women preferably over 18" well sorry that i wasnt good enough for you just because im a tad bit younger than you...sorry we all cant be so shallow and perfect...man...honestly why do i put up with this crap? ya "i need some time to think about all this crap...blah blah blah" sure bitch take your time i really dont care anymore. well actually i do..but i am fet up with caring about you...all you do is hurt me and i am not putting up with you anymore. im going to find the person that you werent. someone who gives me attention and means it when they say that they love me. i have a thousand things i could say to put you down right now...but im not like that...and plus im kinda busy watching porn...(like the way that you do)...oh and i laugh and the thought of music...just like you...how funny we have so much in common but so little in common. haha...it makes no sense..maybe thats why we didnt work out...but whatever...im cool...you know ill find someone else...you know taller...more muscular...hotter...........((thinking)).......but no one that can compare to you...dont forget that you told me that you love me....and i know you meant it but i dont know why you had to leave me about a thousand times...and stupid me there i am begging and kissing at your feet..waiting for you to take me back..i would love to be the one to take you back one of these days...but you know you're smarter than me...you forget the important things in like what? 1 second? and me on the other hand..takes me about what...oh never! im still not over it.....................but fine..i promise one of these freakin days...you're gonna be the one to freakin come back to me and beg at my freakin feet and tell me that you freakin cant live without me and that you freakin want me back cuz your life is freakin nothing without me...you just watch...im the best thing that ever happened to you...you said that yourself.......................but im going to sleep to dream my nightmares of you with someone else...maybe one of those whores on your myspace.....so "so long and goodnight....things are better when i say so long and goodnight" im gonna give myself a heart attack!

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Current Music: silence Subject: dude Time: 07:32 pm Current Mood: sore

lets make this story short...got wasted on friday...did stupid things...paul called me on saturday...did nothing...and im still doing nothing. im in love with the wrong person. and i long for the one i will never have.

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August 6th, 2005

Subject: Drunk as Hell, Forget me Not Time: 02:37 am

This is Danny, Dan the Man. OK I'm kind of drunk and wired right now, but I'll go ahead and right something for Nikki. She's cool. I like Nikki, and Bianca, and all of my sister, Alyssa's, friends. Maybe a little too much. Anyway, I have no idea what I'm supposed to say. I don't want to get addicted to coke, but it feels pretty damn good. Go Spurs go, they're gonna repeat this year unless the Rockets or the Mavericks finally get their act together. Damn I love pussy. I'm going to New York soon.. too soon, but not soon enough. It's funny how shit turns out. I've always wanted to leave but now I'm realizing how much I love it here. Maybe it's the fear of the unknown, of having to meet people all over again. But thats also what's so fun. Bianca's right next to me right now. She smells nice. Now she's laughing at me. I'm gonna miss this. We need more coke. What the hell should I do. Give me a shot bitch. Hahahahaha, I'm such a bastard, or at least that's what I hear, I think I'm a nice guy. Bianca's trying to get me drunk. I'll let her. I'm gonna miss her, but she says she's gonna come visit me and we'll have fun. There'd better be some good basketball games at NYU. I hope they dont suck. Jonathan and Steven are gonna be devestated when I'm gone. I will too, those guys mean a lot too me, even though I dont show it. Everybody does. I just have to enjoy the time that I have here and prepare myself for a new chapter of my life. I think I should say goodbye to David also, I havent seen him in forever and he's been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I hate having to face the Future, it means acknowledging the Past. I've done a lot of things I shouldn't have, and I haven't done a lot of things that I should have. Everybody here is trying to get me off the computer, they dont know what they've started. Now I'm horny. They're in for it now.... Goodbye everybody, don't forget me.

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August 5th, 2005

Current Music: rap nonsense Subject: drunkness Time: 07:46 pm Current Mood: drunk

ok well im here at alyssas trying to get drunk and i think its working. i can kinda feel....damn absolute vodka's the shit! who cares about that guy..you know which one im talkin about. ..the one that left me...anyway

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August 2nd, 2005

Subject: ugh! Time: 05:15 pm Current Mood: pissed off

god everything goes right for once....but then somehow someone has to go and screw things up. he broke up with me for the thousandth time. why? cuz he needed time to think about things. but i think the real reason was cuz today is his birthday...maybe he didnt wanna have me in the back of his mind while hes getting lap dances and head from all the hoes that hes cheating on me with. or maybe he just doesnt love me anymore. but who cares i told him that ive had it with his shit. i mean i love the guy but what the hell can i do about it. nothing absolutely nothing. and anyway i have a list of guys that i can have anyway. i registered today and i realized something. ill be going into a new school and im single. that means i can flirt with all the guys in the world and not feel guilty about shit. but man what if he wants to get back together. i shouldnt allow it should i? OFCOURSE I SHOULDN'T!! i mean hes put me through everything bad thing you can possibly go through. well anyway...............i gotta get laid. sex and violence, sex and violence, sex and violence, sex and violence....thats all i have to say.

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July 16th, 2005

Time: 06:44 pm Current Mood: bitchy

OH MY GOD! he pisses me off so bad! so i call him right to see what he was gonna do tonight. and he was like oh nothing juss study..ok well thats good then, but then i told him that i wanted to see him and he was like "oh i dont think i can" ya whatever. juss cuz im a little slow doesnt mean that i'm stupid. he just needs to say what hes thinking. im tired of guessing his feelings. well i guess we're not gonna do anything tonight. dont really feel like doing anything. its all rainy and depressing outside. ill just go home. we've been watching smallville all day. man its pretty addicting. pretty cool. dude Lex and Clark are so freakin hot. i'd do them.

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Time: 11:16 am Current Mood: cold

i hate when this shit happens..everythings going fine and then out of no where he turns into this isolated person who doesnt wanna talk or hang out..and comes up with excuses not to see me. or maybe they're not excuses maybe he really does wanna spend some time with his family. man i dont know! but last night was one of those nights. either he just didnt wanna see me or he was really concerned about us driving in the rain. "its too dangerous to drive over here" well alyssas a very good driver. dude i wanna get fucked up. i mean with drugs and alcohol and everything. but i can't! everytime i try to drink i cant even finish one anymore. somethings wrong with me. it used to be where i would get to a party and chug like 3 beers then hit up the kitchen for some shots..and now i get drunk with 1 damn budweiser. i dont know about that shit but thats really weird. lol i miss erika and claudia. they were always so happy and if they werent happy they would hide it really good. especially erika. she always made me laugh with stupid things she said. ill never forget the time they drew a clown on the board just to scare me. lmao! bitches.. oh that reminds me of the time that paul came to that class to drop off a glove for softball. i remember i couldnt say anything. i was in shock. i felt really bad afterward. he told me that he felt bad too cuz i didnt even say thanks or got up to hug him...well i mean i didnt believe him when he said that he would take it. and he did. GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BUT WHY DOES HE PUT ME THROUGH THIS PAIN? oh and now i have a cold....it sucks

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July 10th, 2005

Current Music: ohio is for lovers Time: 07:12 pm Current Mood: tired

haay people! new lj. i_ache_inside

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July 5th, 2005

Current Music: asl;dkfjal;sdkjf;asdjkf Time: 02:05 am Current Mood: bitchy

1. Fallen for your neighbor? - yes both of them 2. Made out with just a friend? - ya 3. Been rejected? - sadly yes 4. Been in love? - i am right now 5. Used someone? - duh 6. Been used? - once 7. Been Kissed? - a million times 8. Done something you regret? - who hasn't? Who was the last person.. 9. You Sexually Touched? - paul 10. You talked to? - alyssa, angela, danny 11. You hugged? - paul 12. You instant messaged? - no one 13. You kissed? - paul 14. You had sex with? - paul 15. You yelled at? - mark 16. You laughed with? - everybody that was here at alyssa 17. Who broke your heart? - paul 18. Who told you they loved you? - paul and my friends Do you.. 19. Color your hair? - yes 20. Have any Birthmarks? - i think 21. Have any piercings? - yes 22. Have a 6 pack? - i wish 23. Own your own house? - i fucking wish 24. Own a nice car? - fuck no 25. Speak any languages? - english and english and a little bit of spanish 26: Cook your own dinner? - cereal 27. Lay In The Bath Often? - when im horny 28. Know your height and weight? - dont care know Have you / Do you / Are you... 29. Stolen anything? - besides someone virginity 30. Smoked? - like two weekends ago 31. Taken drugs? - addict in repair 32. Obsessive? - in some cases 33. Compulsive? - don't even know wut that means 34. Obsessive compulsive? - ??? confused-yes 35. Panic? - ya..cause i don't know wut compulsive means 36. Anxiety? - all the time 37. Depressed? - comes and goes 38. Control Freak? - could be..in bed 39. Obsessed with hate? - not anymore 40. Dream of mutilated bodies? - wtf? Questions .. 41. If you could be anywhere, where would you be? - with my buds and with paul that just left 42. Can you do anything freakish with your body? - roll my tongue like a wave 43. What feature do you find most attractive on the opposite sex? - personality, looks, and it doesnt really matter 44. Would you vote for a woman candidate for president? - if angelina ran 45. Would you marry for money? - hell no 46. Have you had braces? - need them 48. Do you sing in the shower? - i swear it sounds good 49. When was the last time you had a hickey? - like last year in october..that i can recall 50. Could you live without a computer? - no! my music 51. Do you use AOL, MSN, Yahoo? - aol 53. If you could live anywhere in the past, were would it be? shit like i actually payed attention to know anything about the past 54. Do you wear white socks? - ya 55. Do you wear shoes? - mostly sandles 56. What is your favorite fruit? - strawberries 57. Do you eat wheat bread or white? - wheat...whatevers there 58. What is your favorite place to visit? - the rooms 59. Fave DVD? - the notebook 60. Do you kiss on the first date? - depends...if you're hot then go for it 61. Are you photogenic? - yes 62. Do you dream in color or black and whie? - don't remember.. 63. What are you wearing right now? - shorts and a shirt..what most people wear 64. Do you eat a lot of fruit? - no 65. Do you have any dimples? - when i make my retarded face 66. Do you remember being born? - i don't want to 67. Why do you take surveys? - there's nothing better to do 68. Do you drink alcohol? - if the ocassion calls for it...and it calls for it 69. Did you like high school? - im still in it 70. What is the best accent? - a retarded mexican accent of an obsessed lady in love with santos 71. Who do you want to kiss? - danny 72. Do you like sunsets? - sure 73. Do you want to live to be 100? - i dont want saggy tits 74. Are Big Boobs/Big Penis important to you? - no....shya 75. Do you or have you played with a ouija board? - no...im not psycho 76. Are you loyal? - i could but i chose to be??? that is the question 77. Are you tolerant of other peoples beliefs? - hell no..peer pressure all the way 78. When you watch movies, do you like the lights on or off? - off...you never know what can happen under the blankets 79. Do you like your nose? - i deserve after all the shit ive put it through 80. Do you think you can draw well? - angela says i can 81. At what age did you find out that Santa Claus wasn't real? - when i was born 82. How many pairs of shoes do have in your closet? - dont know they're all in the back 83. Do you like to wear the same shoes everyday? - i guess 84. Do you write poetry? - yeah 85. Snore? - i dont know im asleep..angela says ya 86. Do you sleep more on your back, front, or sides? on the side 87. Do you like Cats/Dogs? both but mostly pussys 88. Do you lick stamps? - ill lick if its there 89. Do you use the automatic can opener? - yeah im too lazy to use the other one 90. Have you ridden in a hot air balloon? - oh yeah baby!! Random 91. Like your name? - fuck no..estefania nicolaza reyna 92. Were you named after anyone? i hope not my name sucks 93. Do you wish on stars? - ya but my wishes never come true..fuck those stars!!! damn nursery rhymes 94. Which finger is your favorite? - my pinky 95. When did you last cry? - like 3 nights ago 96. Do you like your handwriting? - ya i can forage 97. Who do you admire: - david and johnathan 98. What is the #1 priority in your life? - familia and friends 99. What is your favorite meat? - chik-fil-a chicken 100. Any bad habits? - none that i can think of 101. What is your favorite animal? - pussy 102. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself? - probably not..i feel bad for my friends now 103. Are you a daredevil? - i could be 104. Have you ever told anyone a secret? - everyday..i whisper things...sexual things 105. Have you ever stolen anything? - condoms...virginity 106. Do looks matter on a girl/boy? - i would say personality is more important..but ya i guess looks sorta do matter 107. Do You Swear? - ya..a lot 108. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? - show me a rainbow and ill tell you 109. Do fish have feelings? - sure why not 110. Are you trendy? - no..

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Current Music: something coorporate Subject: fun!!! Time: 02:00 am Current Mood: drunk

dude!!! fucking awesomest 4th of july ever. ahh yes...anyway i love paul and i love 4th of july

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June 28th, 2005

Current Music: bush Subject: state of amazement Time: 12:13 am Current Mood: bouncy

STATE OF AMAZEMENT*** ok well today is my first day back from san antone. man the concert was so fucking awesome!!!!! and the cheap ass hotel we stayed at, Siesta Inn, was so cheap! but man we trashed those rooms. i have never been drunk like 3 nights in a row. it was so much fun! saturday get to the hotel, eat at dennys, then drank myself buzzed, i was too hung over from the night before. sunday the warped tour kicked ass! we got autographs from atreyu and took pics with the lead singer of tsunami bomb!!! oh man that was so awesome...got back to the hotel and drank my brains out monday got back and went to see paul for about 2 damn minutes. he told me to go to lorenzos cuz he "missed me" and for what as soon as we got there his fucking aunt was there for him. but i still had fun. i think i freaked out everyone there cuz they didnt know i knew how to play the guitar as good as i do...ah jk...no but i think we might start a band now. bad ass! bought drugs....

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June 25th, 2005

Time: 02:16 am

well i see a whole bunch of things in the future for me. i feel like i know what was gonig to happen the whole time. i hate the fact that the bitch that i was with tonight was acting really bitching. anyways i think that the reason every one wants to have sex with me is because i have a reputation of being really good at it though all the years. what i need to do right now is get high. i have turned down sex the past three weeks and i think that i made the right decision for the time being. after all what is life with out getting offers to get laid all the time. i dont know but tonight was the first time is the past three weeks that i havent been offered and that i wanted it. i think that when im not offered it so easily i want it a whole lot more. although i think that i have lost the taste for taking shots at the moment because of the fact that i tried to take shots for the last couple of days and i cant really take them. they burn alot more now than when i first started taking shots. i really dont now whats wrong with me right now but all i can say right now is that: In the end, there can by only one!

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Time: 01:23 am Current Mood: drunk

alright well im here in dannys room, wasted as fuck! i dont reeally remember anything that happened tnonite. well all i can say is that i had the time of my life last night. dude i hadnt drank like that in forever. two shot of vodka and 3 smirnoffs did the trick for me. i was out of it by like 11. im really mad though cuz paul told me to call him when i got out of buffalos to lorenzos fone. so i did just that and he wasnt even with him, he was with some guy dj or something like that. so i didnt even get to see him. i was thinking, instead of going to the warped tour tomorrow i should just say that im going but just stay here. but then i thought about all the things that would happen if i did that. alyssas mom would call my dad and tell him that i didnt go...but then i could just call him and tell him that we're in the hotel already or i could just play some loud music and say we're at the concert. but i couldnt do that. man i had so much fun tonight! marks house was the best place to go. i really wanted paul to be there. i wanted to get laid. but i didnt get that lucky. but man if i think about this weekend, oh man we're gonna meet so many guys! blondies and mexicans, and black guys, and all these different dudes. so maybe ill find someone who will top paul. i doubt it......well im out gotta write some poem for alyssa...

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June 23rd, 2005

Current Music: The Bravery Time: 11:01 pm Current Mood: chipper

have you ? (x)smoked a cigarett ( ) smoked a cigar (x) been in love (x) been dumped (x) shoplifted ( ) been fired (x) been in a fist fight (x) snuck out of your parent's house (x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back ( ) been arrested ( ) gone on a blind date (x) lied to a friend ( ) had a crush on a teacher ( ) seen someone die ( ) been to canada (x) been to mexico ( ) been on a plane ( ) thrown up in a bar ( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire ( )eaten sushi (x) taken painkillers (x) love someone or miss someone right now (x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by ( ) made a snow angel (x) flown a kite ( ) built a sand castle (x) gone puddle jumping (x) played dress up (x) jumped into a pile of leaves ( ) gone sledding (x) cheated while playing a game (x) been lonely (x) fallen asleep at school ( ) used a fake id (x) watched the sunset ( ) felt an earthquake ( ) touched a snake (x) slept beneath the stars (x) been tickled ( ) been robbed (x) been misunderstood ( ) been suspended from school (x) been in car accident (nothing serious) ( ) had braces (x) felt like an outcast (x) had deja vu (x) hated the way you look (x) witnessed a crime (x) been obsessed with post-it notes (x) squished barefoot through the mud (x) been lost ( ) been to the opposite side of the country (x) swam in the ocean (x) felt like dying (x) cried yourself to sleep (x) played cops and robbers (x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers (x) sung karaoke (x) paid for a meal with only coins (x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't (x) made prank phone calls (x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (x) danced in the rain ( ) written a letter to santa claus ( ) been kissed under a mistletoe ( ) watched the sun set with someone you care about (x) blown bubbles ( ) made a bonfire on the beach (x) crashed a party (x) had a wish come true (x) worn pearls ( ) jumped off a bridge (x) ate dog/cat food (x) told a complete stranger you loved them (x) kissed a mirror (x) sang in the shower (x) had a dream you married someone ( ) glued your hand to something ( ) got your tongue stuck on a flag pole (x) worn the opposite sex's clothes (x) sat on a roof top (x) screamed at the top of your lungs (x) stayed up all night ( ) didn't take a shower for a week *i take baths usually ( ) pick and ate an apple right off the tree (x) climbed a tree ( ) had a tree house (x) believed in ghosts (x) had more than 30 pairs of shoes (x) played ding-dong-ditch (x) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on ( ) broken a bone (x) been easily amused (x) caught a butterfly (x) laughed so hard you cried (x) cried so hard you laughed (x) forgotten someone's name (x) been kicked out of your house (x) eaten a bug (it seriously flew in my mouth and my friend got a picture of it.. i didnt know i even ate it.. icky) ( ) jumped out of an airplane (x) given an anonymous gift (x) received an anonymous gift ( ) Been to more than two continents (x) sent a love letter ( ) been on TV ( ) been on a safari (x) picked flowers ( ) had a death threat (x) been to a drive in movie (x) snuck in a movie (x) danced in a club (dance=hell ya) ( ) read a book over 1,000 pages long ( ) gotten lost in a foreign country ( ) had to use hand signals to communicate in a foreign country ( ) wet yourself (your not cool unless you pee your pants!) ( ) ridden an elephant (x) had a dream come true

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Current Music: Deftones Subject: in a state of wonder.. Time: 10:29 pm Current Mood: creative

well as of right now, everything is going great. ive been able to spend time with my friends and with paul. i think we're back together. i havent done any drugs in a long time, but there are some days i juss feel like crying cuz of that. pathetic addict i know. this sundays the warped tour and im totally psyched about it. i cant wait! and then the best part about it is that dannys taking bottles and we're staying in separate hotels from their parents. how awesome is that? you know, i hope all the people who hated me before, dont hate me anymore. you know who you are. i think we're over everything.

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June 4th, 2005

Current Music: the thunder Time: 11:25 pm Current Mood: ditzy

all right, tonight was beautiful. i spent it with the love of my life. it was only a couple of hours but i feel so much better. i've been feeling so alone lately cuz of all this shit thats been going on, i havent really been able to go out anywhere. tonight they let me out. i wanted to have all of him but i couldnt. so many wonders: who sent him that text that said "love you"? whats he gonna do with all those condoms? so many new memories: being with him outside while the lightening set the dangerous mood. not the french kiss, but the new american kiss. the hotness, the mystery, the pleasure, the pain, the eagerness, the kisses, the hugs, the words, what do they all mean? i wonder what hes gonna do tonight. party till the sun comes up again? or party till he passes out? probably both. i was so angry at my friends for wanting to keep me out of trouble. i was supposed to be home by 11, but i called my mom and convinced to give me 15 of the shortest minutes of my life, but i honestly didnt give a shit what she said. i wanted to go and have fun, i wanted to be with paul for the rest of the night. but everyone did the right thing and brought me home. dammit! well he knows where live now. awesome. i think im gonna make a new journal...unforgettable_sighs or nonsense_dreamer im so stupid

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May 29th, 2005

Current Music: silence Subject: nonsense Time: 04:52 pm Current Mood: melancholy

ok well thursday was the last day of school, had nothing to do except be bored at home...well i went to the skate park and saw paul! for about 5 or 10 min. it was the best couple of minutes in my life. well ofcourse he tells me the usual.."i love you babe" you know same stuff i mean i love him too! well he told me that there was someone else...bitch! oh well what can i do about it except forgive and forget. he told me that he loves me more than he even likes her..and that he doesnt even like her. bullshit. anyway, i guess i still love him. i dont know why. and wero who knows whats up with him, he should be on his way to cali rite now. hope he has fun. and bobby his stupid girlfriend, bertha, told me not to call over to his house anymore. shit like i listen. well i guess so cuz i havent really called. man i dont know what the hell to do when im at home. there is nothing to do except play my guitar and be depressed. i cant even go to freakin summer school. sucks huh? duh. yesterday paul was supposed to go to mr. gattis for my little cousins party and i couldnt get ahold of him. and when he finally called me he said he totally forgot..why?..cuz he got drunk. well i made him feel like shit for it anyway so its all good. i dont think i really care anymore. hes put me through about everything bad already so i already know what to expect...im ready

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May 23rd, 2005

Current Music: poison the well Subject: GOD! Time: 01:34 pm Current Mood: melancholy

today i havent seen the boy who i havnt seen in forever my breath hasnt stopped short i could feel his distance and my heartache feels like a blade slicing through it if only we could be i wouldnt wish for anything for the rest of my life so i try to forget put him on the back of my mind but loving him just makes it worse i hate when we cant get what we want the most isnt it ironic.

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